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- "Some families can trace their ancestry back three hundred years, but can't tell you where their children were last night."
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- "A family tree is like riding in a train backwards: it shows you where you came from, but not where you're going."
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- What this country needs is more family trees that will produce more lumber and fewer nuts.
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- "A man in Montana recently paid a research outfit one thousand dollars to have his family tree traced - and in a few days, another five hundred dollars to forget what it found."
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- Why pay money to have your family tree traced; just go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
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