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- I come from family where gravy is considered a beverage.
- Erma Bombeck
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- "If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."
- Erma Bombeck
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- "I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go into overload and blow up."
- Erma Bombeck
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- "Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."
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- Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- Erma Bombeck
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